My  Son Bernard Hamer was only 44years old when he died from Alcohol Poisoning and Citalopram drug for depression.Bernie left five young children the youngest being 15 weeks old ,He also  had  four other children whom he was estranged from He had not seen  them for some years.Bernie had a younger brother Robert,they were as close as brothers could be and they were always ready to help each other in times of need.Bernards death has been the most horrific torture and every mothers nightmare,losing a child. I had not seen my son for three years,he had left the area suddenly because of debt and money problems,Rob and I have been told of major problems relating to my son and partner,but running away  from such problems was not the answer, as they just carried on the same life they had  before.One thing I can say  having more children would have   put more pressure on any doomed relationship.Bernard was a binge drinker and could go on real benders but he never took pills when he was drinking daily. Thats Why his death was such a Shock to Us,Bernie's death was 28th April 2007,inquest was 25th October 2007.the Coroner Anne Hinds gave a verdict of  Misadventure.prior to Bernards inquest I was told by the Coroners officer  and department that we could ask questions about my sons death.The Coroner Anne Hinds would not allow our questions as She refered to them as not Relevent, Unfortuntley  Our Questions Were Not Allowed So we got no answers Now  we will never know The TRUTH WHY Bernard took  packets of tablets with all the drink he had, Unless He wanted to End His Pain and Suffering,I got the feeling everything was not right berween Bernie and his partner when I asked her why she put up with his drinking,Her answer to me was   WHERE WOULD HE GO    WHO WOULD WANT HIM,     WHO WOULD HAVE HIM   We were upset and grieving badly for Bernie how could his partner be so cruel to a mother who was grieving for her son,Unforgivable. and Unforgiveable I did not find out about My Sons death till 30th april 2007. By the time I got my dead son back on home ground his body was not a pretty sight after his post mortem so I needed to arrange Bernies funeral the funeral cost was paid by my son Rob and I.We gave Bernard a simple funeral and Rob  scattered Bernies ashes over his beloved nanna Doris's plot for all eternity and until we are united once again.Bernard is a free spirit now with no fears or demons to contend with.now He is with Family he loved Dearly when they were alive.Bernie will have found his father Bernard Martin who was lost to suicide January 15th 1973, He was 30years old.My son Bernie was 10years old when his father hanged himself   .Neither his new wife or his famly never told my son about his fathers death he read about it in the paper.My son asked me why did his father hanged himself ,I could not give my son the answers he was looking for,I was not married to his father We were divorced in 1969.My son always blamed me for divorcing his father,but  Bernie was only a child and did not know the history between his father and I. But he never came to terms with his fathers death.I truly believe my sons depression through his grief that he carried for his father played a massive part of his tormented life.happiness was not to be for Bernie each time he had good things in his life He lost the plot.He just could not keep hold to good things at times Bernie was his own worse enemy.The troubled life of Bernie took its toll on me,I have suffered with him and Bernie gave me many scary moments and a awfull lot of tears and heartache and heartbreak.Now its a very different heartache grief I have never known before and only a mother who has lost a child can tell you what torture you go through,I now live my life a day at a time and thank GOD for my time with Bernie and to give me time to spend with Rob.because He is my Rock .Rob has been there for ME  through the bad times and dark days and nights since Bernards death.He is a Son in a million and I adore him,I could not live if Rob was not in MY  world I would curl up and die.As I go to bed My last thoughts at night are of my beloved Son Bernard I will never get the answers or the Truth about My Sons death.even though I know in my heart there ARE  people who know the reasons Why my Son Harmed Himself and Ended His Life. These people know who they ARE  and should be ashamed of themselves for keeping secrets.I will find out one day when I meet my Son again.I have plenty memories of MY life with Bernard and I will cherish MY  thoughts about him we were a good duo years ago friends used to say are you two joined at the hip thats how close we were no show without punch,those were good times in Bernies life and mine.The years go by so fast and nothing stays the same forever.we all make mistakes and nobody likes to admit they are wrong  some people tell lies to cover up deceit many folks evade the truth nobody can be certain that they will find happiness  and hold on to it ,Sadly thats how My Son was, and always running away from situations he could  not solve at times my Bernie was a lovable rogue. And Bernie knows why we nicknamed him that, but thats another story.I just want to let my son Bernie know that Rob and I love him to bits and our love is true.I certainly will never come to terms with  MY  SON'S  DEATH and the silence and secrecy actions of my Son's partner how she would not even talk to me about my Bernie's death.So to whom This may concern without prejudice WHAT HAD MY SON DONE TO MAKE HIM WANT TO MIX ALCOHOL WITH PACKETS OF TABLETS KNOWING THE COCKTAIL  OF BOOZE AND PILLS WOULD DEFINITLEY KILL HIM.BERNIE MUST HAVE SHOWN SIGNS THAT HE WAS IN DISTRESS BECAUSE I KNEW BERNIE BETTER THAN ANYONE WITH REGARDS TO HIS VERY BAD DEPRESSION AND HOW FRIGHTENED HE USED TO GET WITH ALL HIS PARONOID MOODS TO SINK TO THE LEVEL OF ENDING HIS LIFE AND TO ACTUALLY KILL HIMSELF IN HIS OWN BATHROOM WITH HIS PARTNER IN THE NEXTROOM WHY DID HE DIE ALONE BERNIE MUST HAVE BEEN MISSED AND WHY WAS HE NOT FOUND AND HELPED EARLIER,I WANTED THESE QUESTION'S  ANSWERED ALONG WITH ALOT MORE BUT I WAS TOLD NOT RELEVENT FOR PITYS SAKE I AM BERNIES MOTHER AND I EXPECTED SOME ANSWERS FROM HIS PARTNER  HOW CAN SHE LIVE WITH HERSELF WITH ALL THE SECRETS I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR HER AND THATS WHY I WONT SUPPORT HER IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM.SHE HAS MADE ME ROB AND MIKE SUFFER WHEN A FEW ANSWERS WOULD HAVE HELPED US TO UNDERSTAND BERNIES REASONS FOR THE ULTIMATE DECISION TO END HIS LIFE. I HAVE CRIED A MILLION TEARS ,I HAVE NOT SLEPT, I  HAVE GONE OVER BERNARDS PAST HISTORY AND MY CONCLUSION IS THAT BERNIE MUST HAVE FELT HE WAS GOING TO LOSE HIS KIDS AGAIN AND I KNOW HE COULD NOT LOSE ANOTHER  FIVE CHILDREN  SO  DEATH  WOULD  HAVE  BEEN  THE ONLY SOLUTION FOR HIM  IF HE FELT THREATENED OR REJECTED  BERNIES DEATH IS A TRAGIC END JUST LIKE HIS FATHER.S SO VERY,VERY SAD.I  PRAY TO GOD THAT HISTORY DOES NOT REPEAT ITS SELF ON ANY OF BERNIES CHILDREN BERNIE YOU ARE A FREE SPIRIT NOW WITH NO MORE DEMONS PAIN OR REJECTION.TO CONTEND WITH, WE YOUR BLOOD FAMILY WILL LOVE YOU FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES AND BEYOND XXXXXXXXX