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Baby Evelyn was born on October 29th, 2010 at 12:15am. She lived inside of me for 9 months, but was taken by the Lord days before her due date. She gave me so much life while I carried her. She was with me always, and God gave me true comfort, hope, and joy through her. I never felt scared or lonely. I dedicated my life to her during those 9 months, preparing for her everyday...making sure she would have everything and more that she could ever need. I made things, sewed things, and bought things for her...I went a little overboard as my mom would say...I just loved her so much and wanted to be the best mom to her. She brought me closer to God, and I am eternally grateful to her. We were baptized together on October 10th, 2010 at 12Stone Church during open baptism. When I held her for the first time, I saw a perfect angel. She was truely "too beautiful for earth," and I found comfort knowing that Jesus was holding her in His arms. She never had to experience pain or fear like I had in my life. I worried what her life would be like the entire pregnancy. I knew I could not protect her from certain realities that I knew existed for her. However, I was going to give her the best life I could...and I long for her to be here, to hold her, kiss her, sing to her, and pray with her...but it wasn't in God's plan. I knew something wasn't right when I woke up in the middle of the night on the 28th with a fever. I had felt down the previous couple days...thinking I was just getting impatient waiting to go into labor. It dawned on me that I had not felt her move for atleast a day...I had been focusing on the contractions that were so frequent...so, I began to push on her to see if I could get her to move. She didn't respond like she usually would. I woke my parents up at 4:00am and told them that we needed to go to the hospital. I knew in my heart that she was gone. They touched the doppler on my belly...and there was silence. I was now certain that she was gone, but they continued for what it seemed like 10min to find a heartbeat. I stared at the ceiling, and felt God take over. I asked my mom to go to the waiting room, because I knew she was unaware or in denial, and I could not deal with her pain and mine. The doctor came in with the ultrasound and looked for a while to then tell me that she was sorry, that it looked like the baby had passed away. All I could say was, I know. When they told me they wanted to induce me...I couldn't believe it. I wanted them to just take her right then. They said it was best for me. They then brought my parents in the room for me to tell them the sad news of her passing. I was induced at 8:30am on the 28th and gave birth to little Evie less than a day later. God was with me the whole time, giving me strength and comfort. My two earthly angels, Codi and April, never left my side. When she was born the cord was wrapped so tight around her neck that they had to cut it. The cord was also somewhat shorter than usual, bc they can usually slip the cord around the head. Cord restriction is their best determination for her passing. After she was born, I got to clean her, dress her, and hold her. I loved her so much, and hurt so badly that I could not hear her cry, or gaze into her eyes. She looked like me, but with dark, curly hair; and brown eyes. She had large hands and feet, and they resembled mine, my dads, and my grandmother, Mom mom's. She had the softest cheeks. She weighed 6lbs 9oz and was 20in long. She stayed in my room that night, and I woke up in the hospital room the morning of the 29th weeping for her loss. That day we had a small service for her in the room, in which the pastor read a beautiful poem written by her uncle Andy. A photographer came to take pictures of her, and I got to spend some time alone with her. I sang to her, prayed over her, and kissed every inch of her body before I had to give her back. It was time for me to let her go. I will forever cherish the miracle of her life, the amazing experience of giving birth, and the love that I felt for her. She is my little miracle that changed my life forever and made me love myself more than I thought I could...because I everytime I look in the mirror, I see her mother. Evelyn Marie, You Were To Me Trees flow, oceans grow When it stops no one knows Now you’re here, then you’re gone It’s one family that we belong One is happy, one is sad One is good, one is bad You are mine, not for long Up to heaven you belong The hour is up, the time is near You are my child, no need to fear You are always one phone call away It’s not for sale, no one can pay Going, going, going, gone For unto you a happy song Hello, Goodbye, you laugh, you cry All of God’s children multiply Evelyn Marie you were to be You were to be, you were to me In my belly growing fast How I wish this time could last Our time together, immersed and blessed How I loved you, no second guess I felt, I saw, you lived, you breathed You hurt, I knew, we loved indeed Flapping wings came shining down After spirit could not be found From seed, to bud, to flower bloom The life that happened much too soon Water colors dripping down Checkered floors, wall to wall, around Laughing, crying, tear drops dying Clutching grip, I won’t let go Crushing blow as water flows Moving fast all along Cherish life, it’s all gone God is faithful, God is kind We can’t see, we are blind Always there, always with us Never stops, never forsakes us Trust in Him, glory be to thee Up in heaven is Evelyn Marie
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